When Venkateshwara Came In My Dream
'' I've Seen The One Whose Colour is Like The Dark Rain Clouds''
This blog is based on the true events of my life.
Few years a go I came across a poem composed by Saint Thiruppaan Alvar. In this poem Saint Alvar described his experience of joy when he witnessed the God Perumal (VenkateshwaraSwamy).
Kondal vannanaik kovalanay venney Unda vayan en ullam kavarndhanai Andar kon ani arangan en amudhinaik Kanda kangal marronarinaik kanave ||
I have seen the One whose color is like dark rainclouds He is the one with the mouth that swallowed the butter of cowherds, He is the Lord of the Devas, He is Lord Ranganatha, He is my nectar, my life! My eyes have seen my Lord and will not see anything else!
It made me wonder whether a simple person like me whose not completely dedicated to spirituality can ever experience the holy presence of Govinda? Though since my childhood I've visualized him in my dreams like twice or thrice when I didn't have the slightest idea of who he was.....But it was all blurry and hazy.
Last 10 years can be categorized as the most difficult time of life which took a toll on my health and emotions,But there was one more thing which killed me everyday - A heart wrenching dream which made me sad day by day. I often experienced a dream where I use to search for Govinda in different temples but always failed to find him.Yes it was scary because I was looking for the one whom I love the most.
In 2017, I got the chance to visit Tirumala Tirupati Temple almost after 10 years. As I was entering the temple's Sanctum Sanctorum every one was hailing Govinda. The name of Govinda was echoing from every direction.Every one around was staring at my face not only because I wasn't hailing the name of Govinda but I was crying profusely. I still cant analyse why I was crying,I think those tears represented both Joy & Pain.
Once me and my family entered the sanctorum suddenly further entry and exit of devotees was stopped temporarily. So for almost 45 minutes many devotees including me and my family stayed in the temple sanctorum. This was the first time in my life when I had such peaceful darshans of the lord, no one was pushing me to move away from the idol. If you have already visited to the temple you might be aware of the fact that you wont be granted a complete single minute to stand in front of the Govinda's idol.After the darshans we got the opportunity to explore the beautiful architecture of temple. Every one was making the best of that opportunity, some were doing parikrama by simply walking and some were literally rolling on the floors of temple with folded hands.I was astonished to see how people expressed there devotion.
Suddenly I rushed towards the back wall of sanctorm, I literally kissed and hugged that wall for five minutes straight. I guess this was my way to express love & devotion.During this time I had a revelation that I was lacking one thing my life, which is the reason for my pain and also that dreadful dreams about the Lord - And that was FAITH - I lacked faith in Govinda, also I lacked faith in my dreams and capabilities.
Since that time I've started to practice faith not only in the divine but also faith in work and power of my dreams. Really I feel much more confident now. After coming back from Tirumala within next morning my dad brought a small stray puppy in our house, she was sick and required urgent care. Gradually that puppy became a part of our lives- Truly a bundle of Joy. We named her Tobby, raising that puppy literally healed me like magic. After one year Tobby went missing, later we discovered that she died due to car accident, I was devastated. Me and my brother both of us buried her body with shivering hands and pain in the chest.
I was shaken and so was my faith, though I didn't complained to Govinda but deep within I thought ''How cruel you are Govinda''.
After almost 21 days of Tobby's death once again I experienced the same dream, I'm in a temple which had a never ending aisle.
I literally looked into each and every room but I couldn't find Govinda.
There were many other deities in the temple but everything was hazy.
Finally I started freaking out and my heart was racing, after all where is Govinda? Suddenly I thought maybe I can find him by the last room on the right almost at the end of the aisle.So I rushed towards the end but deep within I had a fear that I wont be able to find him because it happened with me all the times. So the moment I reached the right corner room I folded my hands and raised my eyes to have darshans of Lord but I was sure that there will be no one.
The moment I raised my eyes I saw someone with a complexion like dark rain clouds,wearing sparkling rubies on crown & arms. I couldn't believe on my eyes.My mind was just processing this fact that Oh! I finally found the Idol of Govinda but suddenly that glowing figure started to walk towards me and I skipped a heart beat. I fell down on my knees with folded hands and the only words which came out of my mouth were -
''AKHILANDA KOTI BRAHMANDA NAYAKA''
''ARE YOU FOR REAL?''
As he walked towards me, my heart was racing as I didn't knew how to react. He gently placed his hands on my shoulders and picked me up.
I asked him humbly ''Please don't touch me Lord I'm impure after all I'm the resident of this Sinful Kaliyuga (I've experienced the feelings of hate, jealousy, revenge & Greed). With a Smile on his face and tears of compassion in eyes, he asked me to walk along with him. ''Lets talk while walking around in the temple''.
After that everything went on mute mode, the only thing I remembered that we talked and strolled around the temple for a long time. May be my soul knows all, May be my subconscious remembered everything about that conversation. Next day I woke as a more confident person who don't fear about the in-certainities of life as I believe that I'm blessed with enough strength to withstand all sorts of pressures.I believe everything happens for a reason after all He himself has designed this Stage called as ''The World''
I remember the lines from the book called Amuktamalyada, where the Great King Krishnadevaraya described the appearance of Srinivasa experienced in his dream.
''HIS DARK COMPLEXION CAN PUT THE DARK RAIN CLOUDS TO SHAME''.
Yes, Sri Krishnadevaraya was true, his complexion and beauty has no match. Though this dream was a little blurry but I can not forget the way his eyes looked. Many people call him KAMALA - NAYANAM (Lotus -eyed) but his eyes reminds me of stars shining on a dark night.
''His eyes are like Millions of twinkling stars which gives us the hope of light and joy even in the darkest times''.
I never had the slightest idea about the meaning of name Tobby.
Do you know the meaning of name TOBBY?
TOBBY means LORD IS GOOD :)